SCRAP
Jerry
I'll be wetting down the razor
And that's a big day when you're scrap
Dave
Jerry & Dave
Malcolm
Ethan
I guess I'm lonely
Malcolm
Ethan
Ethan & Malcolm
Malcolm
Ethan
Ethan & Malcolm
Malcolm
Dave
Jerry
Men
And that's important -
I just want some veal
I just want to feel like
IT'S A WOMAN'S WORLD
Georgie
Women
Georgie
Women
Georgie
Women
Georgie
Women
Georgie
Susan
Joanie
Women
Goergie
Women
All
Georgie
God bless their little G-strings!
All that music and all that beat
Women
Georgie
Women
Susan
Georgie
Joanie
Susan
Estelle
All
All that music and all that beat
Georgie
All
Georgie
All
MAN
Jerry
Your hands are rough, your back is hairy
And when the beef comes out you do the carvin'
You're a man and that's a bonus
Don't do it to be the most talked-about man in Buffalo. Don't do it for all the money you're gonna rake in. Don't even do it so your best friend can keep seeing his son, whom he loves more than life. Oh no - do it for yourself, Davie-boy. Show yourself the stuff you're made of. Don't show me.
Dave
Jerry
Dave
Jerry
Stand back, ladies. It's quarterback Jerry, throwing a long ball right into your end zone. Touchdown! Wanna go for two?
Bases loaded. It's Bad Boy Jerry, swinging a big, big ol' bat. B-b-banging one right at you, baby. BooYaa!
I'm gonna jump straight up
What is a man? Why does he bother?
A real man with a mission
BIG-ASS ROCK
Jerry
And just before the lights go out
Dave
Malcolm
Dave
And I won't leave you swinging there
Jerry
Jerry & Dave
Dave
Jerry
Dave
Jerry
Dave
Jerry
Dave
Jerry
Malcolm
Jerry
Malcolm
I turned around
Dave
Jerry
Dave
Jerry
Dave
Jerry
Or tickle your wrist
Malcolm
Jerry
Dave
Jerry
Dave
Life with Harold
Vicki
Jerry
Harold
Vicki
So he tells me you boys are rollers at the mill. That's wonderful. Of course, I don't actually know what rollers do, but hey, I hardly know what Harold does over there. It's all steel to me.
Harold
Vicki
He's a gem - he's a beaut
Love that man
BIG BLACK MAN
Horse
Now I ain't elite, I ain't no man of means
Cause I'm big and I'm proud
I'm what your sister and your mother's
I do the monkey
You can look up and down
Horse & Jerry
Horse
Horse and Jerry
Horse, Jerry, Dave
Horse, Jerry, Dave, Malcolm
Harold
All
YOU RULE MY WORLD
What I want? That's easy asshole -
I want a job
I want to feel like a person instead of a slob
I wanna wake up knowing where I'm gonna go
Not going nowhere
Wandering the streets of Buffalo
'Cause it's a slow town
When you don't know where to go
Then I'll figure
"What's the point?"
So I go into the living room
Roll another joint. Then lunch. Then a beer
Then sitting like an ape on the sofa
With a hankie
And the same old porno tape
What I want? I'll tell you jerky -
I want a life
I want to feel like the husband
Instead of the wife
I want to get some sleep when I go to bed
Instead of lying there digging through
The garbage in my head
And it's a long night when you're scrap
It's a long, long nightwhen you're scrap
I know what I want. A place of my own. It could be a room, even. Just so it's mine.
I don't know what i want. Something. Somebody.
I'm lonely
I don't know what to do
I should get out -
A bar -
A party or two
I sure could use a friend
Somebody -
But there's that horrifying moment when
They ask you what you do
Hi. I'm Malcolm, a complete loser who still lives at home with his mother.
Hi. I'm Dave Bukatinsky. I just defrosted my refrigerator and vacuumed my living room. And how was your day?
Hi, I'm Jerry Lukowski. I'm 32, out of work, divorced, in debt up to my balls. I need some serious dental work and if I don't make some money soon they won't let me see my kid. I'm fed up, frustrated, angry and oh yeah -
So what I want - that's easy
I want to understand
How I got to be a loser
And I used to be a man
And I don't know where I'm going
I don't know why I'm here
All I know is that the future
Will include another beer
Or a steak on the table
'S that too much to ask?
I just want something real
Something right, something stable
'S that too much to ask?
I know what my label is
Just tell me what my label is
I don't wanna be...Just give me
Anything but... � � � I'm happy to be
Anything but...
Scrap
Who's got power?
Who's got juice?
Who's got the money?
It's a woman's world
Who feels freedom
To let loose
Tonight, honey, honey -
It's a woman's world
Back at home my libido is asleep
Nothing stirring up the batter
Now I know all I needed was a heap
O' dancing beefcake on a platter
A silver platter!
Let's get sweaty and
Let's get mean
Fire up the burner -
It's a woman's world
I'll be president
I'll be queen
I'll be Tina Turner -
It's a woman's world
'Cause tonight
Yeah tonight
It's a woman's world
Work all day, I come home and he's all pissed
It's a wallow-in-the-mudfest
Now I know all I need to clear the system's
Just a raunchy little studfest
Who's feeling funny -
It's a woman's world
All those men moving
All that meat
Tonight, honey-honey -
It's a woman's world
I like the chunky little butt
On that motorcycle cop
I wanna go up there and bite it
You'll chip a tooth, honey!
Or G.I. Joe with the military jock
I'd give a hundred bucks to see what's inside it
What's inside it?
What's inside it?
Why do they hide it?
Making me dizzy
It's a woman's world
All those men moving
all that meat
Let's get busy!
It's a woman's world
Well it might be the men's room
Yeah, but tonight -
It's a woman's world!
You're out of work, your pride is missin'
They call you jerk but you don't listen
You haven't got a pot to piss in
But you're a ... man
Your talk is tough, your smell is scary
Here's what you're not - you're not a fairy
No you're a beer-drinking, real live man
You hate Tom Cruise but you love Lee Marvin
'Cause when you're swinging your cojones
You'll show 'em what testosterone is
'Cause you're a boot-wearin', beer-drinking
Chevy-driving man
You get these plans. They always fail
You've been divorced. You've been to jail
You may be bold. You may be male
But you're a bum bum ba-dum...BUM
You got your dreams, you got your wishes
And I don't want to sound malicious
But you're a nut, and I got dishes -
I'm going home
See ya.
You walk away now, but you'll be back. You know you're always there for me.
Not this time, Fabio. Jerry the Stripper...
Surf's up, laides. Here comes Lukowski - the big kahuna - riding your pipeline. I'm hanging ten.
Kick a hole in the moon
Don't know exactly where i'm going
But I know I'm gonna get there soon
I'll show you, I'll show them all
I'll show them all the real thing
'Cause he's a man. 'Cause he's a father
He wants his kid, he wants his life
He wants to...
He wants to be
A man
A real man
Yes I am
I'm gonna be
I've gotta be
Like you see on television
I'm a real fine gen-u-ine
Man!
Let's find a rock
I mean a big-ass rock
Or maybe something like
A cinder block is better
I'll hoist it up
And drop it on your face, my buddy
You'll see my smile and you'll know
You've got a friend
With a rock
Who cares
I mean a big-ass rock
Or rope
I got some quality rope
Made for a man who's devoid of hope
Like you are, my buddy
Michael -
Unh, that's Malcolm.
Malcolm. Right!
Twitching like a fish while you claw the air
I'll grab your feet
And pal o' mine
I'll pull real hard
And snap your spinal cord
The world is cold whn you're alone and
They ignore you
But don't kill yourself
We'll do it for you
You've got a friend
You know, I asked a guy once if he'd mind putting me in a barrel and sending me over the falls. You know what the son of a bitch said? "Drop dead, asshole."
People are pricks. I asked this guy to take his air compressor and drill me with a six-inch nail right through the eye...
What'd he say?
"I'm low on nails."
People are selfish pricks.
Another time, now get this, I just lay down in front of a steam roller and asked the guy just to proceed, you know, business as usual, and just squash me like a bug.
That's a good way to go, Jer, the ol' bug squash. We could tie a plastic laundry bag over his head.
Naw, that's such a wimp suicide.
I stuck my finger in a socket once. It hurt real bad...but it didn't kill me.
Malcolm, stay out of this.
I've got a friend
Like Carole King
Or was it Carly Simon
Used to sing?
I always get those two confused
But anyway -
And suddenly
I'm not alone
It ain't just me
I'm like a player on the team
I'm part of the gang...
A member of the club � � � Jerry & Dave
Player on our team
Part of the gang
Welcome to the club
Oo ... let's get a club
I like the big-ass rock
Naw, one good swing and
I'll clean his clock forever
Let gravity do the work!
It's a man's way to die, Mikey.
Malcolm!
Malcolm
I got friends
Oo...
I've got friends
Oo...
� � � Dave & Jerry
Friends who will
Love you like a maniac
And lead you like a lamb
To the railroad track
And tie you down
With a single-edge razor
Or buy you a beer with
A Draino chaser
Or dump you in the
River with a rock
A big-ass rock
Here's a nice one right over here
Can I give you a hand with that? It looks heavy.
No Dave
It's ain't heavy...he's my friend
Come on, group hug.
You gotta love that man
He's like my personal angel
I've always wanted the kind of life
That I've been having as Harold's wife
What a catch I have caught
He would buy me the moon
If the moon could be bought
I'm telling you -
You gotta love that man
Why can't you just tell her?
She adores me. How do you break the heart of someone you love?
I really love that man
He likes me dressed to the nines
I saw two words and then ta-da
There's me completely in Prada
And I've got the boots that go with the belt
That goes with the bag
That goes with my wonderful life with Harold
You gotta love that man
Look at her. She's a piece of Dresden china. She'd break into a million pieces!
God, I love that man
But lately he's working too hard
I keep on telling him how we
Should take a few weeks in Maui
And we'll feel the breeze and sample the poi
And go see Don Ho and I'll say
"Oh boy, how I love you, Harold"
I hit the jackpot with Harry
He looks cute in a suit and he loves me to boot
I'm telling you
You gotta love that man
I love that man
I love that man! � � � Men
Love that man
You gotta love that man
You really gotta love
That man
When I was just a little nipper
Daddy told me "Son
That thing there underneath your zipper
Can be lots of fun
When you get a little older
You'll understand
That every woman in the world loves
A big black man."
But I got mean feet and my daddy's genes
You just meet me once and you'll understand
There ain't nothing in the world like
A big black man
Singing out loud
Dancing it since the day I was born
Who's got the tools?
Who breaks the rules?
'Git back
And let a man do the popcorn!
Always thinking of
They put my picture on the cover
Of the book of love
Never need a line
I don't need no plan
'Cause there ain't nothin in the world like a -
Here I go,
Now hit me!
Hit me twice!
Hit me three times!
The mashed potatoes
I do the jerk
Now watch me work!
All over town
Ask anybody
Ask all around
Who knows the grooves?
Who busta' moves?
I got the...
And the...
And the...
I'm/He's what your sister and your mama's
Always thinking of
I/You take up eight whole chapters
In the book of love
It's a long low load with a deep dark tan
There ain't nothing in the world
Like a big black man
Sing!
A big black man
A big black man
A big black man
Gotta love a big black man!
A big black man!
Dave
Look at you, you're lying there
I feel your milky skin, caress your silky hair
For all these years you've been with me
I tilt my chin and what I see is
Only you...
Not feet or knees
You grumble and I stumble
Towards the Meunster cheese
I'm in your spell, a chubby fool
And anyone can tell
You rule my world - my world -
No matter what I do
You rule my world
Harold
Look at you - my life, my dream -
My lady with the eighty-dollar
Slumber cream
The hundred-dollar haircuts
The novelty appliances we never use
And all those shoes
You bought for when we go on
The Alaskan cruise
My boat is sinking, I don't care
You're everything I want
You rule my world - my world -
You're everything I need
Dave
Anywhere you go I'll follow
Harold
Anywhere I'll follow you
Dave
Anything you want I'll give you
Harold
Anything at all
Harold & Dave
Anything you feel hollow, don't worry
|
Harold I'll make you whole. Look at me And hold me hard A moment please, before they seize the Visa card 'Cause I'd do anything to keep you You rule my world | � | � | � | Dave I'll swallow it whole Just take a look at me You never leave my side Why can't I let you go? Why can't I just lose - You rule my world |
Harold & Dave
My world
Dave
Though I'm unemployed
Harold
A tad depressed
Dave
I'm overweight
Harold
I'm overdressed
Harold & Dave
There's nothing I can do, you rule my world
Dave
There's nothing I can do...
MICHAEL JORDAN'S BALL
Jerry
When Michael's got the basketball
It's Michael's house from wall to wall
You hear that name, it's a diff'rent game
When it's Michael Jordan's ball
When it's Michael's ball you're dead, you're through
'Cause Michael takes the game to you
He's in your face, you lost the race
It's Michael Jordan's ball
The fake, the spin
The drive and then he's in the paint
The pump, the jump, and he's up in the air
Like a goddamn saint!
When Micheal bolts and he penetrates
You feel the volts he generates
He's slick as soap, he's King, he's Pope
He's Michael Friggin' Jordan!
Jerry & Men
You fake, you spin, you drive
And then you're in the paint
You pump, you jump, and you're up there!
And you're through the roof
And you're in the zone
Two-hundred-proof testosterone
You're bad, you're hot, you're almost God!
Jerry
You're Michael Jordan...
Say it!
I'm Michael -
Horse
I'm Michael -
Ethan
I'm Michael -
Malcolm
I'm Michael -
Harold
I'm Michael -
Dave
I'm Michael -
| Jerry, Dave & Malcolm I'm Michael - | � | � | � | Ethan, Harold & Horse Michael Jordan - |
Dave
Let's get ready to rumba!!