Truly Scrumptious - Chitty Chitty Bang Bang

Opening

Crowd
Wow!
Oh, there never never ever was a car....

Announcer
And there's the British champion, the Paragon Panther

Crowd
There never ever was...

Announcer
And behind her, the Vulgarian Vulture.

Crowd
Never was a car...

Announcer
Into the final straight, it's the Panther scattering all before her...

Crowd
A car like this great car

Announcer
She's there, she's there
She's coming, she's coming
And again, the Paragon Panther wins!

Crowd
Oh, there never was a car
There never was a car
Like this great car
No, there never was a car
There never was a star
Like this great car

No car ever went so far
In winning every great Grand Prix
That great eight-litre motor race car
Is making history

Announcer
And way behind her, the Vulgarian Vulture.

Crowd
That great eight-litre motor race car
Is making history

Twelve cylinders race away
The miles simply disappear
And year after winning year
The Paragon Panther is best

Man 1
Oh, there never was a car
There never was a car
Like this great car

Man 2
Oh, there never was a car
There never was a car
Like this great car

Crowd
No car ever went so far
In winning every great Grand Prix

Man 3
That great eight-litre motor race car
Is making history

Crowd
That great eight-litre motor race car
Is making history

Announcer
And welcome to the great British Grand Prix of 1910. And this year, it's a warm welcome to beautiful Brookland on this English summer's day. So, let's welcome our honoured guests from overseas, Baron Bomburst, the Baroness Bomburst and entourage, all the way from Vulgaria.

Vulgarians
For the Vulture of Vulgaria
Ist our great machine
It is faster than all motor cars
The world has ever seen
To glorify Vulgaria

For if we should lose the race today

Announcer
Let battle commence!

Vulgarians
For the Vulture of Vulgaria
Ist our great machine

Crowd
There never was a car like this great car

Vulgarians
It is faster than all motor cars
The world has ever seen

Crowd
That great eight-litre motor race car
Is making history

Announcer
And it's Britain...
And it's Vulgaria...
Oh, they're neck and neck
And the Panther's coming up on the inside
Oh my goodness, she's lost a tire
This will need a pit stop, and a quick one
That has to be the fastest pit stop of all time!
And now the Panther's off again
But she's way behind
Now she's passing the French car
Au revoir, froggies
And she's overtaking the Spaniards

And now approaching the Russians
Leaving them in Siberia
Only one car left now
The Vulgarian Vulture
And the Panther's gaining
She's gaining, she's gaining
Oh dear, she's lagging
She's gaining again
Go, go, go!
Come on, cheer, cheer for England!

Crowd
There never was a car
Never was a car
Never was a star
Like this great car!

Announcer
Oh my god, what's this?
She should be braking
She's out of control!
Something's gone horribly wrong
She's out of control!
She's out of control!
She's heading for the stands!
Ladies and gentlemen, run like hell!

You Two

Caractacus:
What makes the battle worth the fighting?
What makes the mountain worth the climb?
What makes the questions worth the asking?

Children
The reason worth the rhyme?

Caractacus:
Exactly! To me the answer's clear;
it's having someone near; someone dear
Someone to care for; to be there for
I have you two!
Someone to do for; muddle through for
I have you two!
Someone to share joy or despair with;
whichever betides you.
Life becomes a chore, unless you're living for

Someone to tend to, be a friend to
I have you two!
Someone to strive for, stay alive for
I have you two!
Could be, we three get along so famously,
'cause you two have me, and I have you two too

Children
Someone to care for; to be there for

Caractacus:
I have you two!

Children
Someone to do for; muddle through for

Caractacus:
I have you two!
Someone to smile once in awhile with;
whenever you're lonesome
I've a happy lot,
Considering what I've got
But, you couldn't do more
Than you do for your poor father
Things go asunder
And I wonder why you bother

All
Could be, we three get along so famously
'cause

Children
We two have you

Caractacus:
And I have you two too

Them Three

Grandpa
Someone to care, to be there for
I have them three
Someone to do for, muddle through for
I have them three
What's more, we four
Get along in honesty
'Cause them three have me
That's what us four's for!

Toot Sweets

Caractacus
Don't waste your pucker on some all day sucker
And don't try a toffee or cream
If you seek perfection in sugar confection
Well there's something new on the scene
A mouth full of cheer
A sweet without peer
A musical morsel supreme!

Toot Sweets!
Toot Sweets!
The candies you whistle, the whistles you eat
Toot Sweets!
Toot Sweets!
The eatable, tweetable treats!

Truly
Toot Sweets!
Toot Sweets!
The toot of a flute with the flavor of fruit!
Toot Sweets!
Toot Sweets!
No longer need candy be mute!

Caractacus
Don't waste your pucker on some all day sucker

Truly
And don't try a toffee or cream!
If you seek perfection in sugar confection

Caractacus:
Well, there's something new on the scene:

Both
Toot Sweets!
Toot Sweets!
A bon-bon to blow on at last has been found
Toot Sweets!
Toot Sweets,
With eatable, tweetable sound!

Lord Scrumptious
Oh! Take that muck away!

Caractacus
Their values intrinsic,

Truly
Surpass any mint stick

Children
Or marshmallow mouthful you munch

Caractacus
Though licorice is chewy

Truly
And gum drops are gooey

Children
And chocolate is charming to crunch

Caractacus and Truly
That sugary fife,

Women
That sweet of your life

Kids and factory workers
It's clearly the best of the bunch

All
Toot Sweets!
Toot Sweets!
The candies you whistle, the whistles you eat
Toot Sweets!
Toot Sweets!
The eatable, tweetable treat!

Toot Sweets!
Toot Sweets!
A bon-bon to blow on at last has been found
Toot Sweets!
Toot Sweets!
With eatable, tweetable sound

Scrumptious
The public will hate them
And ad infinitum
Returns will repeat and repeat
They look rather freaky
They're squeaky and leaky
In brief, I reject them, tout de suite

I won't risk my name
My wealth and my fame
On candies that no one will eat

Truly
But father! Listen to them play!

All
Toot Sweets!
Toot Sweets!
A bon-bon to blow on at last has been found
Toot Sweets!
Toot Sweets!
The treat that's so tweetable
lusciously eatable
With that unbeatable sound!

Think Vulgar

Boris
You have a Vulgar mind
You have a Vulgar heart
You have Vulgar blood
You're Vulgar, through and through
So when in doubt...

Think Vulgar
And fall in line

Goran
Think Vulgar

Boris
And you'll be fine
Just remember all Vulgaria's sons and daughters
Are expendable, unless they follow orders

Goran
Think Vulgar
And show no fright

Boris
Think Vulgar
With all your might

Goran
Day und night

Boris
Be obedient and behave
Just like a Vulgar slave
Or you'll wind up
In a Vulgar grave

If you don't want thumbscrews
Or the torture rack
Just speak English

Goran
Jolly good

Boris
And tally-ho!
If we should fail
There is no turning back
We'll both be mincemeat
And six feet below

Goran
I don't want to go below

Boris
So act English
Stiff upper lip

Goran
Stiff upper lip

Boris
Speak English
Cheerio, pip pip

Goran
Cheerio, pip pip

Boris
If we should fail to get that car
As we've been ordered

Goran
In Vulgaria
We'll both be drawn and quartered

Boris
Think Vulgar
Be slick and sly

Goran
You're a spy!

Boris
Think Vulgar
Or else we die

Goran
Else we die!

Both
Be obedient and behave
Just like a Vulgar slave
Or you'll wind up
When the guns are lined up

Boris
To a post you're twined up

Goran
Then what?

Boris
You're shot

Both
In a Vulgar grave
A Vulgar grave

Hushabye Mountain

Caractacus
A gentle breeze from Hushabye Mountain
Softly blows o'er lullaby bay
It fills the sails of boats that are waiting--
Waiting to sail your worries away

It isn't far to Hushabye Mountain
And your boat waits down by the quay
The winds of night so softly are sighing--
Soon they will fly your troubles to sea

So close your eyes on Hushabye Mountain
Wave good-bye to cares of the day
And watch your boat from Hushabye Mountain
Sail far away from lullaby bay

Come to the Fun Fair

Chorus
Come to the fun fair...
So close your eyes on Hushabye Mountain
Wave good-bye to cares of the day
And watch your boat from Hushabye Mountain
Sail far away from lullaby bay

Come to the fun fair
Fall into line
Come to the fun fair
Twinkle and shine

Take a ride on a merry round-about
Sail a dream boat across the lagoon
Go around till you reel on a ferris wheel
Or fly, fly, fly in a toy balloon
Why don't you come to the fun fair?
Fall into line
Come with a smile on
Twinkle and shine

Come to the Fun Fair
Follow the throng
Everyone's there, at the fun fair
Come along
Everyone's there, at the fun fair
Come along, come along, come along!
Come to the fun fair

Me Ol' Bamboo

All
5 � 4 � 3 � 2 � 1 Hey! �Ere we go!
Me ol' bam-boo, me ol' bam-boo
You'd better never bother with me ol' bam-boo.
You can have me hat or me bum-ber-shoo
But you'd better never bother with me ol' bam-boo.

A gentleman's got a walking stick.
A seaman's got a gaff
And the merry men of Robin Hood
They used a quarterstaff
On the Spanish plains inside their canes
They hide their ruddy swords
But we make do with an old bam-boo
And everyone applauds!
1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 - 6 - 7 - Hey!
Me ol' bam-boo, me ol' bam-boo
You'd better never bother with me ol' bam-boo.
You can have me hat or me bum-ber-shoo
But you'd better never bother with me ol' bam-boo.

Chorus
When punting on the beautiful Thames

Caractacus
You use a sturdy pole.

Chorus
To protect their fair complexion

Caractacus
Ladies use a parasol.

Chorus
It's useful in the underbrush

Caractacus
To have a hefty spear

Chorus
Right!

All
But what we do with an old bam-boo
Makes everybody cheer!
1 - 2 - 3 - HO!
Me ol' bam-boo, me ol' bam-boo
You'd better never bother with me ol' bam-boo
You can have me hat or me bum-ber-shoo
But you'd better never bother with me ol' bam-boo
'Ere we go, mate . . .

1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 - 6 - 7 - HEY!
And a 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - and a 5 and a 6 and a 7 HO!
Me ol' bam-boo, me ol' bam-boo
You'd better never bother with me ol' bam-boo
You can have me hat or me bum-ber-shoo
But you'd better never bother with me ol' bam-boo
You'd better never bother with me ol' bam-boo!

Posh

Grandpa
When sailing out from Liverpool
Abound for sunny Inja
Be sure your cabin's port-side
Or the sun is gonna singe ya
And when you're sailing home again
The starboard side for you

Grandpa and Children
Unless, of course, you like to feel
You're boiling in a stew

Oh the posh posh traveling life, the traveling life for me
First cabin and captain's table regal company
Whenever I'm bored I travel abroad but ever so properly
Port out, starboard home, posh with a capital P-O-S-H, posh

Grandpa
The hands that hold the scepters, every head that holds a crown
They'll always give their all for me they'll never let me down
I'm on my way to far away tah tah and toodle-oo
And fare thee well, and Bon Voyage arrivederci too

Grandpa and Children
O the posh posh traveling life, the traveling life for me
First cabin and captain's table regal company

Grandpa
Pardon the dust of the upper crust--fetch us a cup of tea

Grandpa and Children
Port out, starboard home, posh with a capital P-O-S-H

Grandpa
P-O-S-H

Grandpa and Children
P-O-S-H, posh!

Chitty Chitty Bang Bang

Jeremy
What a funny noise it's making!

Caractacus
Well, she's only talking

Truly
Talking?

Caractacus
Yes, all engines talk to you!
Especially once you get to know them

Jemima
What's it saying?

Caractacus
She's saying Chitty chitty, chitty chitty, chitty chitty, chitty chitty,
chitty chitty,
Bang Bang!
Chitty chitty
Chitty Chitty Bang Bang

Caractacus and Children
Chitty Chitty Bang Bang!

Chitty Bang Bang Chitty Chitty Bang Bang
Chitty Bang Bang Chitty Chitty Bang Bang
Chitty Bang Bang Chitty Chitty Bang Bang
Oh you pretty Chitty Bang Bang,
Chitty Chitty Bang Bang
We love you.
And, in
Chitty Chitty Bang Bang
Chitty Chitty Bang Bang
What we'll do
Near, far, in our motor car
Oh what a happy time we'll spend
Bang Bang Chitty Chitty Bang Bang
Our fine four fendered friend
Bang Bang Chitty Chitty Bang Bang
Our fine four fendered friend

Oh you pretty Chitty Bang Bang,
Chitty Chitty Bang Bang
We love you
And our
Pretty Chitty Bang Bang
Chitty Chitty Bang Bang
Loves us too
High, low, anywhere we go
On Chitty Chitty we depend
Bang Bang Chitty Chitty Bang Bang
Our fine four fendered friend
Bang Bang Chitty Chitty Bang Bang
Our fine four fendered friend

Caractacus
You're uncategorical

Truly
A fuel-burning oracle

All
A fantasmagorical machine

Children
You're more than spectacular

Truly
To use the vernacular
You're wizard

All
You're smashing, you're keen

Chitty Bang Bang Chitty Chitty Bang Bang
Chitty Bang Bang Chitty Chitty Bang Bang
Chitty Bang Bang Chitty Chitty Bang Bang
Oh you pretty Chitty Bang Bang,
Chitty Chitty Bang Bang
We love you
And our
Pretty Chitty Bang Bang
Chitty Chitty Bang Bang
Loves us too
High, low, anywhere we go
On Chitty Chitty we depend
Bang Bang Chitty Chitty Bang Bang
Our fine four fendered friend
Bang Bang Chitty Chitty Bang Bang
Our fine four fendered friend

Chitty Bang Bang Chitty Chitty Bang Bang
Chitty Bang Bang Chitty Chitty Bang Bang
Chitty Bang Bang Chitty Chitty Bang Bang
Fine four fendered Chitty Chitty friend

Truly Scrumptious

Jemima
Toot sweets sound like what they are

Jemima
So do lollys in a lollypop jar

Both
Gingerbread men have a gingerbread sound, we've found

Jemima
Sugar plum cinnamon and lemon tart
Tell you what they are right from the start

Both
And your name does the same for you
By coincidence, Truly Scrumptious
You're truly truly scrumptious
Scrumptious as a cherry peach parfait
When you're near us
It's so delicious
Honest, Truly, you're the answer to our wishes

Truly Scrumptious
Though we may seem presumptuous
Never, never, ever go away
Our hearts beat so unruly
Because we love you truly
Honest Truly, we do

Truly
Truly scrumptious
You two are truly scrumptious
Scrumptious as the breeze across the bay
When you're smiling
It's so delicious
So beguiling
You're the answer to my wishes
Truly scrumptious
You two are truly scrumptious
And I shan't forget this lovely day
My heart beats so unruly
I also love you truly

My heart beats so unruly
I also love you truly

All
Honest, Truly

Truly
I do

Chitty Chitty Bang Bang (Nautical Reprise)

Caractacus
It's far more than fabulous
It's simply fantabulous
This car's automotively supreme

Truly
It knows what we're going to do
It feels what we're going through

Jemima
It's mystic

Jeremy
It's magic!

Caractacus and Truly
A dream

Oh Chitty, you Chitty
Pretty Chitty Bang Bang
Chitty Chitty Bang Bang
We love you
And Chitty, our Chitty
Pretty Chitty Bang Bang
Chitty Chitty Bang Bang
Loves us too
High Chitty, low Chitty
Anywhere we go
On Chitty Chitty we depend
Bang Bang Chitty Chitty Bang Bang
Our fine four fendered friend

Chitty Takes Flight (Finale Act One)

Oh you
Pretty Chitty Bang Bang
Chitty Chitty Bang Bang
We love you
And in
Chitty Chitty Bang Bang
Chitty Chitty Bang Bang
What we'll do
Near, far, in a motor car
Oh what a happy time we'll spend On Chitty Chitty we depend
Bang Bang Chitty Chitty Bang Bang
Our fine four fendered friend
Bang Bang Chitty Chitty Bang Bang
Our fine four fendered friend

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