1. The Avenue Q Theme
COMPANY
The sun is shining,
It's a lovely day,
a perfect morning
for a kid to play,
but you've got lots
of bills to pay --
what can you do?

You work real hard
and the pay's real low
and ev'ry hour
goes oh, so slow
and at the end of the day
there's nowhere to go
but home to Avenue Q!
You live on Avenue Q!
Your friends do too.
You are twenty-two
and you live on Avenue Q!
You live on Avenue Q
You live on Avenue Q!




2. What Do You Do With a B.A. in English? / It Sucks to Be Me
PRINCETON
What do you do with a B.A. in English?
What is my life going to be?
Four years of college
and plenty of knowledge
have earned me
this useless degree.
I can't pay the bills yet,
'cause I have no skills yet.
The world is a big
scary place...
But somehow I can't shake
the feeling I might make
a difference
to the human race!

(spoken)

KATE MONSTER
Morning, Brian!

BRIAN
Hi, Kate Monster.

KATE MONSTER
How's life?

BRIAN
Disappointing!

KATE MONSTER
What's the matter?

BRIAN
The catering company laid me off.

KATE MONSTER
Oh, I'm sorry!

BRIAN
Me too! I mean, look at me! I'm ten years out of college, and I
always thought --

KATE MONSTER
What?

BRIAN
No, it sounds stupid.

KATE MONSTER
Aww, come on!

(sung)

BRIAN
When I was little I thought I would be...

KATE MONSTER
What?

BRIAN
A big comedian on late night t.v.
But now I'm thirty-two and as you can see
I'm not.

KATE MONSTER
Nope!

BRIAN
Oh well,
it sucks to be me.

KATE MONSTER
Nooooo.

BRIAN
It sucks to be me.

KATE MONSTER
No!

BRIAN
It sucks to be broke and unemployed
and turning thirty-three.
It sucks to be me.

KATE MONSTER
Oh, you think your life sucks?

BRIAN
I think so.

KATE MONSTER
Your problems aren't so bad!
I'm kinda pretty, and pretty damn smart.

BRIAN
You are.

KATE MONSTER
Thanks!
I like romantic things like music and art.
And as you know I have a gigantic heart.
So why, don't I have a boyfriend?
Fuck! It sucks to be me!

BRIAN
Me too.

KATE MONSTER
It sucks to be me.

BRIAN
It sucks to be me.
It sucks to be Brian...

KATE MONSTER
And Kate...

BRIAN
To not have a job!

KATE MONSTER
To not have a date!

BOTH
It sucks to be me.

(spoken)

BRIAN
Hey, Rod, Nicky, can you settle something for us?
Do you have a second?

ROD
Ah, certainly.

KATE MONSTER
Whose life sucks more? Brian's or mine?

(sung)

NICKY AND ROD
Ours!

ROD
We live together.

NICKY
We're as close as people can get.

ROD
We've been the best of buddies...

NICKY
Ever since the day we met.

ROD
So he knows lots of ways to make me really upset.
Oh, every day is an aggravation.

NICKY
Come on, that's an exaggeration!

ROD
You leave your clothes out.
You put your feet on my chair.

NICKY
Oh yeah? You do such anal things
like ironing your underwear.

ROD
You make that very small apartment we share
a hell.

NICKY
So do you.
That's why I'm in hell too!

ROD
It sucks to be me!

NICKY
No, it sucks to be me!

KATE MONSTER
It sucks to be me!

BRIAN
It sucks to be me!

ALL
Is there anybody here it doesn't suck to be?
It sucks to be me!

CHRISTMAS EVE
Why you all so happy?

NICKY
Because our lives suck!

CHRISTMAS EVE
Your lives suck?
I hearing you correctly? Ha!
I coming to this country for opportunities.
Tried to work in Korean deli,
but I am Japanese.
But with hard work I earn two Master's Degrees
in social work!
And now I a therapist!
But I have no clients!

(smacking Brian)

And I have an
unemployed fiance!
And we have lots
of bills to pay!
It suck to be me!
It suck to be me!
I say it
Sucka-sucka-sucka-sucka-
sucka-sucka-sucka-sucka-
sucka-sucka-sucka-sucka-
suck!
It suck to be me.

(spoken)

PRINCETON
Excuse me?

BRIAN
Hey there.

PRINCETON
Sorry to bother you, but I'm looking for a place to live.

CHRISTMAS EVE
Why you looking all the way out here?

PRINCETON
Well, I started at Avenue A, but so far everything is out
of my price range. But this neighborhood looks a lot cheaper!
Oh, and look -- a "For Rent" sign!

BRIAN
You need to talk to the superintendent. Let me get him.

PRINCETON
Great, thanks!

BRIAN
Yo, GARY!

GARY COLEMAN
I'm comin'! I'm comin'!

PRINCETON
Oh my God! It's Gary Coleman!

GARY COLEMAN
Yes I am!

(sung)

I'm Gary Coleman
from TV's Diff'rent Strokes
I made a lotta money
that got stolen by my folks!
Now I'm broke and
I'm the butt of everyone's jokes,
but I'm here --
the superintendent!
On Avenue Q --

ALL
It sucks to be you.

KATE MONSTER
You win!

ALL
It sucks to be you.

BRIAN
I feel better now!

GARY COLEMAN
Try having people stopping you to ask you
"What you talkin' 'bout, Willis?"
It gets old.

ALL
It sucks to be you.
On Avenue Q.
(sucks to be me)
On Avenue Q.
(sucks to be you)
On Avenue Q.
(sucks to be us)
But not when
we're together.
We're together
here on Avenue Q!
We live on Avenue Q!
Our friends do too!
'Til our dreams come true,
we live on Avenue Q!

PRINCETON
This is real life!

ALL
We live on Avenue Q!

NICKY
You're gonna love it.

ALL
We live on Avenue Q!

GARY COLEMAN
Here's your keys!

ALL
Welcome to Avenue Q!




3. If You Were Gay

(spoken)

ROD
Aah, an afternoon alone with my favorite book, "Broadway
Musicals of the 1940s." No roommate to bother me.
How could it get any better than this?

NICKY
Oh, hi Rod!

ROD
Hi Nicky.

NICKY
Hey Rod, you'll never guess what happened to me on the subway this morning.
This guy was smiling at me and talking to me --

ROD
That's very interesting.

NICKY
He was being real friendly, and I think he was coming on to me.
I think he might've thought I was gay!

ROD
Ahem, so, uh, why are you telling me this? Why should I care?
I don't care. What did you have for lunch today?

NICKY
Oh, you don't have to get all defensive about it, Rod...

ROD
I'm NOT getting defensive! What do I care about some
gay guy you met, okay? I'm trying to read.

NICKY
Oh, I didn't mean anything by it, Rod. I just think it's
something we should be able to talk about.

ROD
I don't want to talk about it, Nicky! This conversation is over!!!

NICKY
Yeah, but...

ROD
Over!!!

NICKY
Well, okay, but just so you know --

(sung)

If you were gay
that'd be okay.
I mean 'cause, hey,
I'd like you anyway.

Because you see,
if it were me,
I would feel free
to say that I was gay
(but I'm not gay).

ROD
Nicky, please! I am trying to read...
What?!

NICKY
If you were queer
I'd still be here,
year after year
because you're dear
to me.
And I know that you
would accept me too,
if I told you today
"Hey! Guess what,
I'm gay!"
(But I'm not gay)

I'm happy
just being with you.
So what should it
matter to me
what you do in bed
with guys?

ROD
Nicky, that's GROSS!

NICKY
No, it's not!
If you were gay
I'd shout hooray!
And here I'd stay,
But I wouldn't get
in your way.
You can count on me
to always be
beside you every day,
to tell you it's okay,
you were just born
that way,
and, as they say,
it's in your DNA,
you're gay!

ROD
But I'm not gay!

NICKY
If you WERE gay.

ROD
Argh!




4. Purpose

PRINCETON
Purpose,
it's that little flame
that lights a fire
under your ass.
Purpose,
it keeps you going strong
like a car with a full
tank of gas.
Everyone else has
a purpose
so what's mine?

Oh look! Here's a penny!
It's from the year I was born!

It's a sign!
Ba-ba-ba-ba
Doo-doo-doo-doo-doo
I don't know how I know,
but I'm gonna find
my purpose.
Gotta find out,
don't wanna wait!
Got to make sure that my
life will be great!
Gotta find my purpose
before it's too late.

I'm gonna find my purpose
could be far, could be near
could take a week,
a month, a year

At a job, or smoking grass
maybe at a pottery class!

Could it be?
Yes it could!
Something's coming,
something good!
I'm gonna find my purpose
I'm gonna find my purpose

I'm gonna find it!
What will it be? Where will it be?
My purpose in life is a mystery
Gotta find my purpose
Gotta find me.




5. Everyone's a Little Bit Rascist

PRINCETON
Say, Kate, can I ask you a question?

KATE MONSTER
Sure!

PRINCETON
Well, you know Trekkie Monster upstairs?

KATE MONSTER
Uh huh!

PRINCETON
Well, he's Trekkie Monster, and you're Kate Monster.

KATE MONSTER
Right.

PRINCETON
You're both Monsters.

KATE MONSTER
Yeah.

PRINCETON
Are you two related?

KATE MONSTER
What! Princeton I'm surprised at you! I find that racist!

PRINCETON
Oh, well, I'm sorry! I was just asking.

KATE MONSTER
Well, it's a touchy subject. Now, now all Monsters are related.
What are you trying to say, huh? --
That we all look the same to you? Huh, huh, huh?

PRINCETON
No, no, no, not at all. I'm sorry, I guess that was a little racist.

KATE MONSTER
I should say so. You should be much more careful when you're
talking about the sensitive subject of race.

PRINCETON
Well, look who's talking!

KATE MONSTER
What do you mean?

PRINCETON
What about that special Monster School you told me about?

KATE MONSTER
What about it?

PRINCETON
Could someone like me go there?

KATE MONSTER
No, we don't want people like you --

PRINCETON
You see?!

(sung)

You're a little bit racist.

KATE MONSTER
Well, you're a little bit, too.

PRINCETON
I guess we're both a little bit racist.

KATE MONSTER
Admitting it is not an easy thing to do...

PRINCETON
But I guess it's true

KATE MONSTER
Between me and you, I think

BOTH
Everyone's a little bit
racist, sometimes.
Doesn't mean we go around committing
hate crimes.
Look around and
you will find,
no one's really
color-blind.
Maybe it's a fact
we all should face.
Everyone makes
judgments...
based on race.

(spoken)

PRINCETON
Not big judgments, like who to hire or who to buy a newspaper from --

KATE MONSTER
No!

PRINCETON
No, just little judgments like thinking that Mexican busboys
should learn to speak goddamn English!

KATE MONSTER
Right!

(sung)

BOTH
Everyone's a little
bit racist -- today,
so, everyone's a little
big racist -- okay!
Ethnic jokes might
be uncouth,
but you laugh because
they're based on truth.
Don't take them as
personal attacks.
Everyone enjoys them --
so relax!

(spoken)

PRINCETON
All right, stop me if you've heard this one.
There's a plane going down and there's only one parachute.
And there's a rabbi, a priest...

KATE MONSTER
... and a BLACK guy!

GARY COLEMAN
Whatchoo talkin' about Kate?

KATE MONSTER
Uh --

GARY COLEMAN
You were telling a BLACK joke!

PRINCETON
Well, sure, Gary, but lost of people tell black jokes...

GARY COLEMAN
I don't.

PRINCETON
Well, of course you don't -- you're black!
But I bet you tell Polack jokes, right?

GARY COLEMAN
Well, sure I do. Those stupid Polacks!

PRINCETON
Don't you think that's a little racist?

GARY COLEMAN
Well, damn, I guess you're right.

(sung)

KATE MONSTER
You're a little bit racist.

GARY COLEMAN
Well, you're a little bit, too.

PRINCETON
We're all a little bit racist.

GARY COLEMAN
I think that I would have to agree with you.

PRINCETON & KATE MONSTER
We're glad you do.

GARY COLEMAN
It's sad, but true!
Everyone's a little bit racist -- all right!
Bigotry has never been exclusively white --

ALL
If we all could
just admit
that we are racist
a little bit,
even though we all
know that it's wrong,
maybe it would help
us get along!

(spoken)

PRINCETON
Christ, do I feel good!

GARY COLEMAN
Now there was a fine upstanding black man!

PRINCETON
Who?

GARY COLEMAN
Jesus Christ!

KATE MONSTER
But Gary, Jesus was white!

GARY COLEMAN
No, Jesus was black.

KATE MONSTER
No, Jesus was white!

GARY COLEMAN
No, I'm pretty sure Jesus was black!

PRINCETON
Guys -- Jesus was Jewish!

BRIAN
Hey guys, what are you laughing about?

GARY COLEMAN
Racism!

BRIAN
Cool.

CHRISTMAS EVE
Brian! You come back here! You take out lecycuraburs!

PRINCETON
What's that mean?

BRIAN
Um. Recyclables.

(Everyone laughs)

Hey, don't laugh at her! How many languages do you speak?

KATE MONSTER
Oh, come off it, Brian!

(sung)

Everyone's a little bit racist.

BRIAN
I'm not!

PRINCETON
Oh, no?

BRIAN
Nope! How many oriental wives have you got?

CHRISTMAS EVE
What? Brian!

PRINCETON
Brian, buddy,
where you been?
The term is Asian-American!

CHRISTMAS EVE
I know you are
no intending to be,
but calling me
oriental -- offensive to me!

(spoken)

BRIAN
I'm sorry honey, I love you.

CHRISTMAS EVE
And I love you.

BRIAN
But you're racist, too.

CHRISTMAS EVE
Yes, I know.

(sung)

The Jews have all
the money
and the whites have
all the power
and I'm always in
taxi-cab with driver
who no shower!

PRINCETON
Me too!

KATE MONSTER
Me too!

GARY COLEMAN
I can't even get a taxi!

ALL
Everyone's a little bit
racist, it's true.
But everyone is just about
as racist as you!
If we all could just admit
that we are racist a little bit,
and everyone
stopped being so P.C.,
maybe we could
live in -- harmony!

CHRISTMAS EVE
Ev'lyone's a ritter bit lacist!




6. The Internet is For Porn

KATE MONSTER
(spoken)
Finally! I get to teach a whole lesson all by myself!
And I'm gonna teach something relevant, something
modern -- the internet!

(sung)

The internet is really really great.

TREKKIE MONSTER
For porn!

KATE MONSTER
I got a fast connection so I didn't have to wait.

TREKKIE MONSTER
For porn!

KATE MONSTER
There's always some new site.

TREKKIE MONSTER
For porn!

KATE MONSTER
I browse all day and night.

TREKKIE MONSTER
For porn!

KATE MONSTER
It's like I'm surfing at the speed of light.

TREKKIE MONSTER
For porn!

KATE MONSTER
(spoken)
Trekkie!

TREKKIE MONSTER
(sung)
The internet is for porn! The internet is for porn!
Why do you think the net was born?
Porn! Porn! Porn!

KATE MONSTER
(spoken)
Trekkie! What are you doing?

TREKKIE MONSTER
Hello, Kate Monster.

KATE MONSTER
You are ruining my song.

TREKKIE MONSTER
Oh, me sorry. Me no mean to.

KATE MONSTER
Well, if you wouldn't mind, please, being
quiet for a minute so I can finish?

TREKKIE MONSTER
Okey-dokey.

KATE MONSTER
Good.

(sung)

I'm glad we have this new technology.

TREKKIE MONSTER
For porn. (oop!)

KATE MONSTER
Which gives us untold opportunity.

TREKKIE MONSTER
For porn. (ooops, sorry!)

KATE MONSTER
Right from your own desktop...

TREKKIE MONSTER
For p----.

KATE MONSTER
You can research, browse and shop...
Until you've had enough and you're ready to stop!

TREKKIE MONSTER
For porn!

KATE MONSTER
Trekkie!

TREKKIE MONSTER
The internet is for porn!
The internet is for porn!
The internet is for porn!
Me up all night honking me
horn to porn, porn, porn!

KATE MONSTER
(spoken)
That's gross! You're a pervert!

TREKKIE MONSTER
Ahh, sticks and stones, Kate Monster.

KATE MONSTER
No, really, you're a pervert! Normal people
don't sit at home and look at porn on the internet!

TREKKIE MONSTER
Ohhhhh?

KATE MONSTER
What?

TREKKIE MONSTER
You have no idea. Ready, normal people?

BRIAN
Ready!

GARY COLEMAN
Ready!

ROD
Ready!

TREKKIE MONSTER
Lemme hear it!

(sung)

GUYS
The internet is for porn.

PRINCETON
Sorry, Kate!

GUYS
The internet is for porn.

PRINCETON
I masturbate!

TREKKIE MONSTER
All these guys unzip their flies for...

GUYS
Porn! Porn! Porn!

(spoken)

KATE MONSTER
The internet is not for porn!
Hold on a second!

TREKKIE MONSTER
Wha?

KATE MONSTER
Now, I happen to know for a fact that you, Rod,
check your portfolio and trade stocks online.

ROD
That's correct.

KATE MONSTER
And Brian, you buy things on Amazon.com!

BRIAN
Sure.

KATE MONSTER
And Gary, you keep selling your possessions on eBay!

GARY COLEMAN
Yes, I do!

KATE MONSTER
And Princeton, you sent me that sweet online birthday card.

PRINCETON
True.

TREKKIE MONSTER
But Kate... what you think he do after, hmmm?

PRINCETON
Yeah.

KATE MONSTER
Ewww!

(sung)

GUYS
The internet is for porn.
The internet is for porn.
Grab your dick and double click
for porn! Porn! Porn!
Poooorn!
Poooorn!
The internet is for,
internet is for,
internet is for porn!

KATE
(spoken simultaneously)
Gross! I hate porn! I hate men!
I'm leaving! I hate the internet!




7. Mix Tape

KATE MONSTER
Princeton...
He likes me.
I think he likes me
But does he "like me"
like me
like I like him?
Will we be friends,
or something more?
I think he's interested,
but I'm not sure.

(spoken)

Come in!

PRINCETON
Hiya Kate!

KATE MONSTER
Princeton! Hi!

PRINCETON
Hi! Listen, I was going through my CDs yesterday,
and I kept coming across songs I thought you'd like
so I made you this tape.

KATE MONSTER
Oh, that's so sweet! Can I get you a drink? Or a snack?

PRINCETON
Actually, do you mind if I use your bathroom?

KATE MONSTER
Go right ahead.

PRINCETON
Thank you!

KATE MONSTER

(sung)

A mix tape.
He made me a mix tape.
He was thinking of me,
which shows he cares!
Sometimes when someone
has a crush on you
they'll make you a mix tape
to give you a clue.
Let's see...
"You've Got a Friend"
"The Theme from 'Friends'"
"That's What Friends Are For"
Shit.

Oh, but look!
"A Whole New World"
"Kiss the Girl"
"My Cherie Amour"
Oh, Princeton! He does like me!

"I Am the Walrus"
"Fat-Bottomed Girls"
"Yellow Submarine"
What does this mean?!

PRINCETON

(spoken)

Hey Kate, you might wanna not go in there for awhile.

KATE MONSTER
Princeton, thank you for this tape, I was just looking
at side A. Great songs!

PRINCETON
Oh, well, did you get to side B yet?

KATE MONSTER
Not yet.

PRINCETON
Oh, it's great. Check it out. Right here...

(sung)

KATE MONSTER
"Stuck on You"

PRINCETON
"Love Me Do"

KATE MONSTER
"My Heart Will Go On"
I loved Titanic!

PRINCETON
Uhh, it was all right.
"She's Got a Way"

KATE MONSTER
"Yesterday"

PRINCETON
"Goodnight Saigon"
From the Russia concert!

KATE MONSTER
Great.
"Through the Years"

PRINCETON
"The Theme from 'Cheers'"

KATE MONSTER
"Moving Right Along"
Nice tape.

PRINCETON
There's one more...
"I Have to Say I Love You in a Song"

KATE MONSTER
(spoken)
Princeton, that's so sweet! I've never gotten
such a nice present from a guy.

PRINCETON
Awww. Well, I'm glad you like it. But I have to go now.
I'm gonna make one for Brian and Christmas Eve, and Gary
and Nicky and Rod, and Trekkie Monster, and everyone!

KATE MONSTER
Oh.

PRINCETON
Oh, and uh --

KATE MONSTER
Yes?

PRINCETON
What are you doing tonight?

KATE MONSTER
Grading term papers. But it's kindergarten so they're very short. Why?

PRINCETON
Everyone's going to hear this singer at the Around the Clock Cafe.
Do you want to go with me?

KATE MONSTER
Like, a date?

PRINCETON
Sure! A date. It'll be a blast.

KATE MONSTER
I'd love to come!

PRINCETON
Okay! Well, I'll see you then.

KATE MONSTER
Okay!

PRINCETON
Okay, bye.

KATE MONSTER
Bye!
He likes me!




8. I'm Not Wearing Underwear Today

BRIAN
I'm not wearing underwear today.
No, I'm not wearing underwear today.
Not that you prob'ly care
much about my underwear,
still, nonetheless, I gotta say --
that I'm not wearing underwear to-daaaay!

(spoken)

CHRISTMAS EVE
Get a job!

BRIAN
Thank you -- honey. So -- here's the woman you all came to see --
The Around the Clock is proud to present -- fresh from her world tour,
headlining in Amsterdam, Bangkok, and Celebration, Florida --
please give a warm hand to the star of "Girls Gone Wild"
parts two, five and seven -- Lucy the Slut!




9. Special

LUCY
I can make you feel
special.
When it sucks to be you.
Let me make you feel
special.
For an hour or two.

Your life's a routine
that repeats each day.
No one cares who you are
or what you say.
And sometimes you feel
like you're nobody,
but you can feel like
somebody with me.

PRINCETON
Wow!

LUCY
Yeah, they're real.

When we're together
the earth will shake
and the stars will fall
into the sea.
So come on, baby,
let down your guard.
When your date's in
the bathroom,
I'll slip you my card.
I can tell just by looking
that you've got it hard
For me! For me!
For me! For me!
For me! For me!
I can tell just by looking
that you are especially
hard for me!




10. You Can Be as Loud as the Hell You Want (When You're Making Love)

(spoken)

BAD IDEA BEAR #1
Take her home!

BAD IDEA BEAR #2
She's wasted!

BAD IDEA BEARS
Yaaaayyy!

KATE MONSTER
My God, Princeton! Right there! Right there!
That's the spot -- that's the spot! -- okay,
a little lower -- okay, now to the left --
no, my left -- ohhhhhhhh!

PRINCETON
Oh, my God, Kate, no one's ever touched me
like this before -- you can't put your finger there --
Ooh, put your finger there!

BOTH
Oh yeah!

(they dive under the covers. Lights up on Gary Coleman who's listening in)

(sung)

GARY COLEMAN
You can be as loud as
the hell you want
when you're making love.
You can be as loud as
the hell you want
when you're making love.
You can be as loud as
the hell you want
when you're making love.

GARY AND BEARS
You can be as loud as
the hell you want...

KATE MONSTER
(Screaming in pleasure)
Aaaaaahhh!

PRINCETON
Yaaaaaaahhh!

(a phone rings, Gary picks it up)
(spoken)

Gary Coleman.
You hear what? -- Hell no, I won't tell them to quiet down!

(Princeton and Kate pop up from under the covers)

KATE MONSTER
Are we being too loud?

PRINCETON
Yeah, are we bothering someone?

GARY COLEMAN
Oh, no, not at all, kids.
You keep doing what you're doing.

BAD IDEA BEARS
Yeah! Louder!

(sung)

GARY COLEMAN
You're not allowed to
be loud at the library,
at the art museum or
at a play

But when you and
your partner are doin' the nasty
don't behave like you're
at the ballet!
'Cause you can be as loud
as the hell you want
when you're making love.
You can be as loud
as the hell you want
when you're making love.

Don't let the neighbors
stop you from havin' fun,
they'll have peace and
quiet when you're
good and done.

ALL
Be as loud as
the hell you want
when you're making love!
(heavy breathing)
Loud as the hell you want...

KATE MONSTER
Faster, Princeton!

CHRISTMAS EVE
Brian, slow down! This not a race!

ALL
Loud as the hell you want...

PRINCETON
Oh, YEAH!

BRIAN
Who's your daddy?

CHRISTMAS EVE
What?? Brian!!

ALL
Loud as the hell you want...
Loud as the hell you want...

GARY COLEMAN
Smack it and lick it and rub
it and suck it!

ALL
Loud as the hell you want...

CHRISTMAS EVE
Yes! Work your mama!

ALL
Loud as the hell you --

KATE MONSTER
Oh yeah, that's it!

BRIAN
Ooh, babe!

TREKKIE MONSTER
(enjoying himself) Uuuuuhh!

ALL
Loud as the hell you... (x7)
want!




11. FANTASIES COME TRUE
(Rod is awake in bed, while Nicky snores)

(spoken)

ROD
It sure can get lonely at night. Nicky, you awake?

NICKY (asleep)
Is that a unicorn?

ROD
Oh, he's talking in his sleep again.

NICKY
No, I'll wear the purple shoes. Who painted the kitten?

ROD
Maybe I should just shake him.

NICKY
I love you, Rod.

ROD
What did you say?

NICKY
I love your little laugh.

ROD
Nicky, are you awake?

NICKY
Take off your shirt.

ROD
Oh Nicholas -- have you been shy all this time?
Have we been hiding from each other? I wonder --

(sung)

All those night I lay in bed,
thoughts of you
running through my head...

NICKY
I know -- put my earmuffs on the cookie...

ROD
But I never thought the things in my head
could really happen in my bed.

NICKY
You look like David Hasselhoff...

ROD
All those years
I missed the signs,
couldn't read
between the lines.
Who'd have thought
I would see the day
where I'd hear you say
what I heard you say?
And now I find
what was always in my mind
was in your mind, too.
Fantasies come true!

And now I see that what I've always
dreamed of was meant to be...
you and me, me and you!
Fantasies come true!

You and me lived in fantasy,
but soon we'll be a reality.

(spoken)

PRINCETON
Kate, that was amazing.

KATE MONSTER
You're amazing.

PRINCETON
I want you to have this. It's a penny I carry around with me for good luck.
It's from the year I was born -- see? Who knows, maybe it'll bring
you good luck. It did for me! -- I found you.

(sung)

I want you to know
the time that we've spent,
how great it's been,
how much it's meant.

KATE MONSTER
Gosh, I don't know
what to say.
I'm really glad you feel
that way.
'Cause I'm afraid that
I like you more than I ever
liked any guy before.

ROD AND KATE
'Cause now, my love,
I'm getting what I've
always been dreaming of!

ROD
So are you!

KATE MONSTER
OH, baby!

ROD AND KATE
Fantasies come true!
And now I swear that
when you want me,
I'm gonna be right there
to care for you...

KATE MONSTER
That's what I'm gonna do...

ROD AND KATE
And make your fantasies
come true...

ROD
Fantasies come true.

(Rod awakens, Nicky is poking him)

NICKY
Hey, Rod buddy! You were talking in your sleep.

ROD
I thought you were talking in YOUR sleep!

NICKY
No, I just came to bed. You were dreaming, is all.

ROD
Oh.

NICKY
It sounded like a nice dream, though.

ROD
Yes. It was a nice dream.

NICKY
Good night.

ROD
Good night, Nicky.