JEANETTE'S SHOWBIZ NUMBER
Jeanette
That having been said, frankly
It's an attitude problem. Seen it a million times.
I was subbing with Stan Kenton
That having been said
It's like a putz museum
Dave
Horse
Harold
Jeanette
Jeanette
Men
Jeanette
Things could be better 'round here
Now let me just tell you something...
I've played for hoofers who can't hoof
I've paid my dues
Jeanette
Men
Jeanette
Men
Jeanette
You know what Kate Smith used to say about a bad rehearsal? Usually means a bad performance.
- here
BREEZE OFF THE RIVER
Jerry
Everybody knows the secret
And I never feel like somebody somebody
Like the breeze off the river
And sometimes I feel like I live in a shadow
Everybody knows the secret
THE GOODS
Jerry
Malcolm
Jerry
She got the goods!
Horse
Ah - now there's a ten!
Jerry
Horse
Jerry
Horse
She got that shelf kinda ass ... you could display your tchotchkes, your collectibles on there.
Baby got back. That's a fact
Jerry
Dave
Horse
Dave
Nightmare Georgie
Nightmare Pam
Nightmare Vicki
Women
Dave
Women
Nightmare Estelle
Women
Men
Women can be angels on earth
Women
Horse
Dave
Men
All
YOU WALK WITH ME
Malcolm
Is it the wind there over my shoulder?
When evening falls
Ethan
Malcolm & Ethan
Malcolm
YOU RULE MY WORLD (REPRISE)
Georgie
Vicki
Georgie
Vicki
Georgie
Vicki
Georgie
Vicki
Both
Georgie
Vicki
Georgie
Vicki
Georgie
Vicki
Georgie
Both
Georgie
LET IT GO
Ethan
Dave
Harold
Malcolm
Horse
Ethan, Malcolm, Dave, Horse & Harold
Malcolm
Horse
Dave
Jerry
Jerry and Ethan
Horse & Harold
Jerry, Ethan, Malcolm
Jerry
Men
Let it go -
Jerry
Let it go!
This gig's an echo of that time with Buddy Greco
When we did the Desert Inn in '59
The dancing girls were clunky
The drummer was a junkie
But we pulled the act together
And we killed 'em every time
I think that things are worse here
That guy and his head are gonna need
Some kind of nurse here
It's like a friggin' curse here
Things could be better -
So sue me, it's the truth
Things could be better 'round here
In this seedy club in Trenton
When I heard my third divorce
Had just gone through
I coulda torn my heart out
But instead I got my chart out
And I gave 'em all a lesson
In the way to play the blues
Something is even more morose here
Just looking ahead's making me feel
Real gross here
We aren't even close here
Things could be better
Could they get any worse? I don't think so
Things could be better 'round here
A showbiz mausoleum
Things could be better 'round here
There's a problem with the timing
There's a problem with the groove
There's an overwhelming lethargy
Nothing can improve
You can sense defeat get closer
Every time they add a move...
Men
There's only six days
Ethan
Where am I? Don't worry, I'll get it. Who are you?
This guys needs a helmet
That guy needs some lipo
And I could use some Geritol delivered in a hypo
But I don't wanna gripe -
Oh -
Things could be better
You bet your ass they could.
I've played for tone-deaf singers
And once, when I insulted Frank
I played with broken fingers
I know the blues -
Of this I can assure you
So now I'll say it one last time
'Cause I don't want to bore you
I've got some bad news for you
Jeanette
Things could be better
Men
Things could be better
They really could be better
Let's face it, we suck.
We're deep down in the ditch, man
This showbiz is a bitch, man
Things could be better
We could be better
Things could be better 'round -
There's a breeze off the river
Through the crack in the window pane
There's my boy on the pillow
And I feel like I'm lost again
They all know what their life should be
And they move like a river
Everybody knows except for me
Calls a father
I can't explain
But when I look at you kid, it's like a mirror
It spins my head, it wakes me
Every time I see your face
And it's strange but familiar
Like a map of a better place
And shadow's all I see
Then you jump straight up
And you grab the moon
And you make it shine on me
Where do you get it from?
Well I don't and I never did
I don't know any secret
All I know is I love you kid
All I know is I love you kid
All I know...
Take a look at this girl
That's everything I like
She got the face, she got the waist
She got the legs
Naw, her tits are too big
What are you, crazy?
Bodacious funbags are a must!
They gotta be C or D or better
They gotta post a threat to the sweater - ow!
That's an eight or nine at least
She got the goods
Let me see that
She has some irredeemable flaws. I give her a six.
You call that a ten?
Based on the booty
What do you mean? It's huge.
She got a butt like a battleship!
I don't need to look above the hip
You could park a wide-track Pontiac in that crack
Now that's the goods
The bigger the cushion -
She's got a sofa-bed back there!
Well we just better hope the women are more forgiving than we are.
What is that supposed to mean?
If they're looking at us Sunday night the way we're usually looking at them, we're in trouble.
Take a look at that opie-looking jer with the pigeon chest!
And I give that fat guy's ass a two
But I wish I had such voluptous breasts
And what about old Father Time over there?
Yeah, sure he can dance
But I didn't pay twenty bucks to look at
Red Foxx skip around in a pair of
Blue underpants
That ain't the goods
What happens when they say that?
This is not the goods!
He's fat, he's old, he's skinny, he's bald
He's short
He's got pimples on his ass
He's fat, he's old, he's skinny, he's bald
He's short
He's got pimples on his ass
Women can be lovers
Women can be pals
Women can be modern types
Or sweet old-fashioned gals
But then again
Holy goddamn fucking shit...
Women can be men
He's fat, he's old, he's skinny
He's bald, he's short
He's fat, he's old, he's skinny
He's bald, he's short
Harold
I've got pimples
All over my ass!!
Look at it! Jesus!
That ain't the goods
Women
He's got pimples
All over his ass
That ain't the goods
I feel extremely insecure
All of a sudden
What am I doin' here?
What am I doin' here?
What the hell am I doing here
This ain't the goods
Is is the wind
Over my shoulder?
Is it the wind that I hear gently whispering
Are you alone there in the valley?
No, not alone for you walk, you walk with me
Is it your voice calling quietly?
Over the hilltop, down in the valley
Never alone for you walk with me
And the air gets colder
When shadows cover the road I am following
Will I be along there in the darkness?
No, not alone, not alone
And I'll never be...
Never alone, you are walking
You're walking with me
Is it the wind there, over my shoulder?
Is it your voice calling quietly?
Over the hilltop, down in the valley
Never alone for you walk with me
Over the hilltop, down in the valley
Never alone for you walk with me
Never alone for you walk with me
I look at you and what I see
The only man I ever loved in front of me
I chose you, Dave, it hasn't changed
You're everything I want, you rule my world
Look at you, you're standing there
You're still a prince
You're still the answer to a prayer
And what I see is all I want
You're everything -
You're everything
Anywhere you go, I'll be there
Anywhere I'll follow you
Anything you want, I'll give you
Anything at all
Anytime you're lost
That's me there, I'm with you
Vicki
I'll see you back home
Georgie
I'll take you home
Look at me -
Look at me, Harold
And hold me tight
Honey, don't you understand?
You're like the morning sun to me
But twice as bright
I'll never let you go
And what I see is what I get
And it's everything I want
You rule my world
You rule my world
You're everything I need
Did I capture your imagination?
Did I break you down and make you smile?
It's a serious little situation
Why don't we loosen up and dance a while?
You need a loose-lipped lover
With a heart of honey
You need a sex cadet when duty calls
Come on show me all your bare-faced beauty
I wanna see our shadows bouncing off the walls
Let it go, let it go, loose up, yeah, let it go
Let it go, let it go, it's all right
Let it go, let it go, shake it up now, let it go
You just tell me when you think you're ready
Let the music be the master
I got a whammy bar on my brown guitar
You can play me like a stratocaster
'Cause here I am and baby, there you are!
Well I'm a rocket boy with a touch like silver
And I'm crashing through your bedroom door
And I'm ready like I hope you're ready
Come on I'll show you mine
If you show me yours
Let it go, let it go, loose up, yeah, let it go
Let it go, let it go, it's all right
Let it go, let it go, shake it up now, let it go
You just tell me when you think you're ready
Gentlemen - we only live once
Men
Let it go, let it go
Loosen up, yeah, let it go
Let it go, let it go
It's all right
Let it go, let it go
Shake it up now, let it go
Women
Let it go, let it go
Let it go
Let it go
Let it go, go